I was just browsing the web between classes at school today on my phone, when this story happened to catch my eye. The tagline on the main page of Huffington Post read “My secret is that I wish I was a woman.” This struck me especially hard to home, because it is the same thing I had told my sister after an interesting dating experience.
While my dating history has not been extensive, it has been extremely diverse. My first date in my entire life was with a model who had appeared in Victoria’s Secret, my second date was my first kiss, and also my first girlfriend, who was an escort (not employed at the time of the date), and my third date was a bisexual geeky girl. I had been talking about her over the phone with my sister, who told me she was herself bisexual. I forget how exactly the conversation got turned to that point, probably me doing an overly confident assessment of myself as a prospect for my girlfriend, but I distinctly remember, as I anxiously paced up and down the trailer my dad and I were living in (of course, he was absent at the time,) telling her, “I sometimes wish I were a woman.”
Of course, I backtracked, saying I had no illusions about my body being feminine, and how I could never go for surgery- but that was before I had done my research, before I had seen the amazing transformations transgender people can achieve. Now that I am a little more educated, I can see that even then I was more open to my transition than I thought at the time.
I’ve told one or two other people since, people I imagined would be liberal and open to it, but all those times I had never had an intention of actually beginning the process. I thought I was doomed, and I should just accept who I was. I had been a big, burly, bearded mountainman, and was proud of my facial hair which I am so determinedly fighting now. What changed between then and now? I will have to think harder on it, with the help of some group therapy coming up, but all I know is that something has definitely shifted.